Working With Your Oppositional Defiant Child

Parents expect a certain degree of defiant behavior from their kids. Whether it’s the “terrible twos” or tantrums after a long day of activities, we all understand that kids are going to push the limits from time to time. 

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a different matter. It’s a type of behavior disorder that causes conflict and chaos at home, at school, and in social settings. 

Kids with ODD display ongoing patterns of anger, defiance, and hostility. These behaviors aren’t just directed at parental figures. They’re also aimed at teachers, extended family members, and peers. 

At Lifespan Psychiatry & Wellness Center, we support many Houston, Texas, families who are dealing with a child who has oppositional defiant disorder. Our practitioners have the education and training needed to help families. 

Let’s examine some skills and techniques that can help you achieve these goals in your own family. 

#1: Don’t take it personally

Researchers believe that a child’s environment can increase their risk of developing ODD. Kids who grow up in violent, abusive, or neglectful settings are more likely to develop the behavior disorder than those who have a more stable and peaceful home life. 

But research also suggests that there are strong genetic factors that increase a child’s risk of ODD. 

So, while it is always helpful to take a close look at your home environment to determine if there are stressors that could be making matters worse, there’s no need for parents to jump to the conclusion that a child’s ODD is a direct reflection of their parenting. 

It also appears that some kids just have brains that are wired differently or have nerve function issues that make it difficult for them to manage their behaviors. If you’ve found yourself here because you’re looking for help for your child, that’s an indication that you are a good parent. 

#2: All kids thrive with structure

All kids, including those with ODD, thrive when they know what to expect and what is expected of them. Having rules in place provides much-needed structure. Be sure that you communicate the rules clearly and in a loving and respectful way.

It’s also important to create rules and expectations that are age-appropriate. A preschooler is not going to be able to keep to the same expectations most parents have for a pre-teen. 

It can also be helpful to include your child in the rule-making process, engaging them in discussion of what should be expected of them and why. 

#3: Avoiding power struggles

One of the best ways to cope with a child who displays defiant behavior is by remaining calm. It’s also one of the easiest pieces of advice to give, but one of the hardest to pull off. 

In the heat of the moment, it’s all too easy to match your child’s energy. But when you lose your cool, you can unintentionally escalate the situation. 

Find ways to manage your reaction, whether that’s taking a short walk, counting to ten, or choosing to return to the topic at a later time. 

#4: Don’t go it alone

Too many parents try to manage their child’s defiant behaviors on their own. Finding a mental health specialist who understands ODD helps to empower you. 

The right therapist can help your child learn better ways to manage relationships and conflict, and help you find the best parenting techniques to lower stress at home. 

Some kids benefit from medication to help regulate their extreme emotional swings, while others do just fine with talk therapy. 

#5: Don’t neglect your own mental health

Parenting a child with ODD is not easy. It can impact your mental health, not to mention your relationships with your partner, your other children, and even your extended family members. 

Place your own mental health at the top of your priority list. It takes a great deal of patience, calm, and understanding to effectively parent a child with ODD, and boosting your own mental health and wellness helps you remain positive. 

If you’re searching for guidance on how to provide the best possible environment for a child with ODD, we’re here to help. You can always call Lifespan Psychiatry & Wellness Center to book your visit, and we also offer online booking as an option.